-----

I find myself still missing uu, especially when I'm alone.

I find myself clinging onto the small small hope that uu might, might, come back for me.

I find myself questioning why uu keep leaving me.

I fins myself wondering if ur thinking of me.

I find myself suffocating, with all these questions in my mind.

I find myself asking, what would it take to bring uu back?

I find myself, with a hole in my chest, where my heart was taken by uu.

I find myself bitter that uu didnt trust me, even after all I've tried to do.

I find myself sour that I allowed uu to manipulate and play with my feeling.

I find myself wondering if it's me that uu think is giving uu shit.

I find myself thinking bout all those things uu told me.

I find myself praying that it IS all still true.

I find myself twisted from the pain of losing uu.

I find myself looking in the bathroom mirror, tears still streaming down my face.

I find myself, eyes red and swollen, staring at the ceiling at night.

I find myself still trapped, dreaming about uu.

I find myself imagining that we were still together.

I find myself yearning to look for uu.

I find myself cold and shivering under the patter of rain, staring at the disappearing traces of uu.

I find myself torturing myself, in hopes that it would help forget uu.

I find myself detached and distracted from the world.

I find my walls collapsing.

I find myself wanting to give in the the seduction of breaking down.

I find myself wanting to commit sins.

I find myself wanting to rob uu of ur right to live.

I find myself talking to air, as if uu were there.

I find myself going mad.

I find myself looking into the future, imagining uu forgetting me and falling in love with someone else. And the tears fall hot, fast, unstoppable, uncontrollably.

And then I looked up, at my crumpling reflection,
And ask myself,
Why is it that I love uu soo much?
Why is it that I cannot let uu go?
And why is it that these feelings,
Emotions soo strong, painfully churning inside of me,
Could NEVER reached uu?

And then I ask myself.
Were uu ever true?

And then I find myself,
Stupidly,
Still madly in love with uu.

Then I realized,
It not's like uu believe any of it anyway.

The agony is all just, mine to bear.

And I find myself,
Praying uu'll die somewhere.

I'm gonna bring uu to hell with me.

-----

Rezzi, why couldnt uu love me like I love uu?
Rezzi, uu liar.
Adinda cinta ke kanda.

-----

Seriously.
*Big Eye Roll*

-----

-----

Go ahead.
Break my heart.
This time silently.

Ur sweet sweet lies reside in my head.
"ashiteru"
"anata wa boku wa no desu"
Everything, everything.
From the I love uu,
To the stay with me.

When she's trying soo hard to live her life.
I dont understand why she loves uu soo much.
Till now, she remains broken.

This time uu left silently.

Kieru...

I Hope Uu Die
Just Like How Uu KILLED ME

-----

-----

I think I've been used and thrown away.
AGAIN.
Why do I keep subjecting myself to this?
Once bitten twice shy.
I got bitten twice.
How stupid can I be.
Keeping in contact was the wrong choice.
I really dont understand him.
I really dont get what's going on.
I dont even know what I did this time.
Why does he always get mad at me?

I've decided, I really need to move on.
No point wasting my time,
Texting him when he doesnt reply.
Calling him when he doesnt pick up.
I dont even think he wants to clear this up.
It's too much.

He says this, but does that.
He says this, but makes me feel otherwise.
I need to built a new heart.
Since I left the old one with him.

Totemo suki desu.
Honto aishiteru.
Shikashi, anata....

Stop breaking my heart
When I love uu soo much

-----

-----

Wee.
Done with bivariative and univariate findings.
At 1 am this morning.
Haahaa.

Tried to open my emails in hotmail.
Cannooooot open emails that my groupmates send me for our major project.
So went to create a gmail account and imported all the mails and contacts.
WaHaaHaa.
Because Hotmail sucks.
Rawr.

-----

-----

Got H1N1 vaccine today.
The area where I was jabbed feels like muscle ache.
Sore and stinging.

I accidently dropped my lappy on the floor yesterday.
The screen died.
My daddy sent it for repairs for me.
Removed the hard disk soo I cann do my work.
Nic was nice enough to lend me her lappy.

Struggling with Bivariate and Univariate finding.
What analysis should I do to prepare a respondent profile?
Help.
Thought it was gonna be pretty easy.
Guess I was wrong.

L4D 2 is SOO BLOODY FUN.
Every few minute uu get hoard!
And above the 4 special infected, uu get a charger, spitter, jockey.
I ran up the escalator into 2 chargers and a tank.
My god.
Haahaa.
And now my friends know I am very very very vulgar when I play games.
Haahaa.
They are trying to forget that Kendy.
Cause I'm such a demure person in school.
Not.
Haahaa.
Just that I dont scold vulgarities.
Much.

The weapon advancement for L4D 2 is amazing as well.
Ur guns cann be equip with lazer, and 50 rounds of explosive bullets.
Double the accuracy and zombies get blown up.
Damn fun cann.
And the witch wanders around.
Sometimes straight into ur path, then she lies in front of uu, crying on the ground.
Haahaa.
Hence, blocking our way.
Like why is she lying on the ground crying?
Haahaa.
Safehouse is also like temporary safehouse.
If uu stay inside for too long.
The zombies cann break down the door.
Woohoo.
There's a electric thingy that brings uu back to life as well.
Melee weapons rocks too.
There's a CHAINSAW, baseball bat, SAMURAI SWORD, axe, crowbar yada yada.
Reuben got a kick out of the samurai sword.
Says it feels like he's in Bleach.
Haahaa.

I LOVED the chainsaw.
Zombie blood all over ur screen.
WaHaaHaa.
But we kept dying.
Haahaa.
And uu have to do a cresendo event for every part.
Soo hard.
Zombies come from everywhere.
No safe spot.
Rawr.
The designer got smarter.
Cover up all the loopholes.
But it DAMN DAMN DAMN FUN!!
Go PLAY!!!!

^_^

Wakarimasen.
Do shi te anata wa itsumo ITSUMO baka wa shimasu ka?
Kirai desu!
Suki ga anata wa, muzukashi desu.....
Watashi wa...
Itsuka...
Honto hanasei yo...

-----

-----

I've been in a dilemma as to whether I should remove my nose stud.
Then just now,
While I was wiping my face,
The stud dropped accurately into the dustbin.
God gave me a sign.
He made my decision for me.
He understood me.
It's what I want that matters the most.
If I felt it was time to removed it,
Then I should, shouldnt I?

But I care bout what he thinks to...

Not like it matters now.
That was my only nose stud.

The Lost Symbol is nice.
Still in the process of reading it though.
But my itchy hands went to flip a few pages ahead.
And now I know a few things I shouldt know.
Like Robert Langdon should have drown, but didnt because technically....
Opps.
Haahaa.
GO read the book.

Have uu really been obvious?
Or am I just spoilt beyond words?

-----